The first time your fingers interlaced with mine I held my breath
And then talked really fast
Because, that is what I do
When your big fingers held that small ring in front of my face
Because, that is what I do
I fell in love with you, all of you
But maybe your hands first
Those long fingers were strong but soft
They enveloped my hand and felt secure and safe
Warm but never sweaty
After all, that is a bit gross and not what you do
When I was in labor you caressed my face and said it would be okay
Because, that is what you do
You held Josiah and your large hands wrapped around him
Engulfing his tiny body
And shaked with love
Maybe a bit of fright
You made him feel safe, secure, and loved
Because, that is what you do
Now I watch him with you and your daddy hands constantly mean more
They mean playful tickles
They mean night time snuggles
Back scratches before bed
They mean firm pats
Relieving those painful burps
They mean safety and trust
Happy First Fathers Day Adam
Josiah loves you just like I do!!
Welcome to the Wonderful World of the Williams...
Team Williams lives so "...that you may be filled with the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:19
Friday, June 19, 2009
Midnight moonlight shining through the curtain lace
Paints a perfect picture on your perfect face
One sweet angel sleeping in my arms
You are the promise I knew God would keep
You are the gift that makes my world complete
And you'll never know how much I love you
But I'll keep on telling you my whole life through
Now I believe in miracles, and you're the reason why
So dream on while I sing you my angel's lullaby
Yes, Josiah is now 20 weeks old, but I just now finished his birth story. It is extremely long. I warn only read it if you want to know all the details of his birth. Also know birth can be a bit gross. You were warned, proceed with caution.
Well, it was a Thursday morning and I awoke around 8:30 AM. I was just laying in bed thinking about what things in the house I needed to clean that day when suddenly a liquid was running down my leg. I ran to the bathroom and realized my water broke. At least, I THOUGHT it was my water. It was a clear gush of liquid. I then called my mom. She told me my water broke and I was in labor! I then called Jenn Bacak, she said " your water broke, go to the hospital!". I think she was very shocked that I didn't see the need to go the hospital because I wasn't having contractions. One of the first things you learn in birthing class is when your water breaks, go to the hospital. I just had always imagined pain and contraction being associated with that so I was a little confused. So after calling the nurse and her saying, "go to the hospital!", I called Adam and told him we needed to go! So then I started packing. It is no surprise that I'm not a super organized person. I know you are supposed to have your bag pre-packed. I found this impossible. I knew what I was going to pack, it just wasn't done. The problem was I wanted to take my favorite pajama tops to the hospital, but I also wanted to wear them at home. Thus, I could not pack them until the last minute. My dear husband had already packed. This is typical, he is way more organized than me. I need to be more like him!
So we went to the hospital. This is when the story really started to get LONG. We were admitted to triage. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor and I found out although I couldn't feel them, I was having pretty consistent contractions...weird. We also found out that they test you to see if your water has actually broken. Well, they could pick up no amniotic fluid on me. But they said my story sounded true. We were in triage until four PM (without eating) while the Dr. was trying to decide if I was in labor. It was suggested that maybe I peed on myself and my water hadn't broken! I'm not saying this is impossible as I was getting up to pee every hour, but I KNEW I hadn't peed on myself! After so many hours of lying there though I was beginning to wonder if I was crazy. Maybe I just had a gush of clear other liquid. I didn't know what other liquids could gush out of my body but i knew SOMETHING had. I know how gross is that? I told you child birth is gross.
Well, finally, we were told indeed the Dr. "thinks" I'm in labor and I would be admitted to labor and deliver. I was also told I could have food. I was thrilled beyond belief. Unfortunately, right as my dear friend Melody was bringing me food, my orders were changed and I was on a all liquid diet...SAD moment in my life! I think I almost cried. I just didn't know how I could push out a baby and be that hungry. Melody literally had just gotten to the hospital with precious chik-fil-a. Adam went out of the room to eat his as to not taunt me. I'm not going to lie, I insisted he feed me a few fries! Well, turns out no baby was coming. My contractions got a little more steady and a little more uncomfortable but still NOT painful and then stopped around 10 PM. I was thinking surely labor was more painful than this. Around 11:30 we were eventually discharged but told we had to come back in the AM to check Josiah out again. At this point I just wanted FOOD and to not be hooked up to all these things. In triage Josiah's heart rate had dipped so they really wanted to watch him. Because of this, I was not allowed to walk around which was really uncomfortable. I was also hooked up to penicillin and an IV so I just wanted everything attached to me to be unhooked! My bed felt WONDERFUL that night and the subway sandwich Adam bought me was one of the best foods that had ever touched my lips!
Well, the test in the morning showed that my amniotic fluid was lower than the day before by one half. On one hand, I was worried that Josiah didn't have enough fluid, and on the other hand I was SO RELIEVED that I hadn't been crazy. My water had broke...or at least part of it leaked as I still had water, just less. It was then decided after seeing my Dr. that I would be induced that evening. I went home, we unplugged our phones, and I slept!
Friday evening Adam and I got packed up again this time knowing when we came home we would have our baby! This time I was sure to go the hospital with a full stomach as I knew I probably wouldn't be eating. Josiah was a big fan of Scholtsky's. When we got to my room I met Juan my nurse. He was such a gift from God. He was an amazing nurse who took wonderful care of me! He had been an OB in Columbia and moved here and became a nurse. You could really tell he knew what he was doing. He also really loves his patients. He did more than just take care of my physical needs he took care of Adam and I as a whole and really got to know us. God knew I need a people person nurse:). Again, things were delayed as my heart rate was too high and they had to stabilize it before I got pitosin. Once that was taken care of I got pitosin and my contractions got stronger and faster and yes, more painful. Meg, Kelly, and Ashley were all there to support me. It was our hope that I would birth Josiah before 7 AM as that is when my doctor's shift was over. Well, Josiah had other plans.
I had a long way to go as I was almost 100% effaced but only dilated to a 2! I hoped my strong contractions were making a difference. I stayed pretty much on the birthing ball with Adam behind me rubbing my lower back as I was having back labor until around 4 AM when I got an epidural. Can I tell you I love epidurals. I think they are one of God' greatest blessings! I went from extreme pain to taking a nap in the matter of 20 minutes it took the epidural to take affect. I know many moms are big advocates of the all natural birthing process. To those people, I offer my up most respect and I think they are a bit like a superhero, but I'm very comfortable being relaxed and pain free while in labor!The way I see it is, you can be in the most pain of your life and have your baby or you can be in almost no pain and have your baby. Being the baby that I am, pain free is great! I mean I already carried this human in my body for 40 weeks, that is superhero enough for me:).
By the time our Dr. and dear nurse Juan left at 7 I had only progressed to 4 cm. My doctor told me it would probably be about another 6 hours. This was longer than I thought, but at least he was coming. Well, at four when I was checked again I was ready to hear that I was almost a ten, but no I was still at a four. This was weird as I was having hard (painless) contraction every three minutes and had for a long time. Two hours later when they checked me again and I still hadn't progressed they also found out that Josiah's head was swollen as he was getting rammed into my pelvic bone. Either because of his size or position, he couldn't get past my pelvic bone but the contractions were still hard so they were pushing him into it. It was then we decided I needed a c-section.
In birthing classes I closed my eyes during the c-section part of the birthing videos we watched. I figured that part didn't apply to me. You see that is not what I was PLANNING. Well, I learned my lesson and will always have an open mind when it comes to giving birth. I definitely don't have control! The news of the c-section made me scared and a bit disappointed that I couldn't give birth "naturally", but at that point, my labor had been so long I just wanted to hold my baby and know he was okay.
My friends and Adam were such a support leading up to my c-section. Also to my delight, nurse Juan came back on duty at 7 PM which was right when I was getting prepped for surgery. He actually came right around the time my first epidural was wearing off. To suddenly feel labor pains after being in labor for almost 24 hours is a HORRIBLE pain. Juan was quick to give me another epidural but it still took another 15-20 minutes to take affect...that was not exciting to say the least. Then they took me back for surgery. The hardest thing for me was to stay awake. My body had been in so much stress and then with the extra anesthesia for surgery, I was FIGHTING to keep my eyes open. I wanted to remember everything but my body was just trying to tell me to sleep. The surgery was not painful. I could feel my body moving and could feel intense pressure but no pain...thank the Lord. Adam stayed right by my head and talked to me the whole time. He even helped catch my throw up when I had to throw up in the middle of surgery. He must love me:). He was able to look up right in time to see little Josiah be taken out. I remember hearing Josiah's cry and it was the best sound that ever hit my ears. I kept asking if he was healthy and what he looked like. Adam just said, "He has a lot of hair." Adam was able to watch as they cleaned Josiah up and stretched his legs in all directions to make sure he was healthy. Then Adam brought him to my face and said this is our son. I was SHOCKED with how much he looked just like his daddy. He was born 7 lb. and 9 oz. and was as perfect as he could be, well, besides his cone head. Because his head was getting squeezed by my pelvic bone it was a little misshapen but it went back to normal and he now has a perfect little head:).
That is the terribly long story of Josiah David Williams, the sweet baby that would not come:).