Kicking and Screaming

The time right now is 12:42.

Josiah David Williams went down for his nap at 10:40.

He has not slept longer than fifteen minutest straight without waking up crying, screaming, and kicking.

The reason? His pacifier.

He LOVES his pacifier. If it falls out of his mouth while falling asleep he wakes up whaling. It is normally an easy fix of sticking his pacifier back in and he is back to dreamland. Today it just has been a bad nap time. He is overtired so instead of an "easy" fix it has meant me coming into his room picking his screaming, kicking body up and rocking him for a few minutes until he is back to being relaxed baby. I lay him back in his crib and he'll usually sleep for another six minutes and then the process begins again. I have to say this is not Josiah's norm. He normally is a great napper and takes at least two, two-ish hour naps a day and sleeps eight hours a night. But he is just a baby, and he has his days when sleeping is just really hard and today is one of them.

Today when I went into his room for the fourth time I was reminded of how many times I act like Josiah. You see Josiah's problem is not his pacifier it is his actions. He will will jolt his head from side to side forcing his pacifier out of his mouth or sometimes he will take his hand and jerk it over his mouth which pushes his pacifier out. The result is a very upset baby. I came into Josiah's room and with one look realized he was already too distressed for a simple putting his pacifier back in his mouth to work. He needed his momma to help him calm himself. I picked up his little body and his cute little thighs that I love were kicking like mad. His sweet little mouth that can make the most adorable smiles and sounds was contorted in a downright ugly manner. I put him to my shoulder and kissed him and told him to just not push his pacifier out of his mouth and he wouldn't be mad. I rocked him and held him and he slowly calmed down to to be a peaceful sleepy baby. I couldn't help but think how many times do I do that with God?

How many times do I insist that my ways are the best. When they don't work I kick my legs and scream and holler in my exhaustion of doing things on my own. How many times does God have to pick me up, hold my arms down so I don't hit myself in the head, and rock me and calm me with His truth? I was was reminded of God' patience with me as I put my sleeping baby back in his crib and started the process again six minutes later. How stubborn am I sometimes? I keep thinking if this baby would just stop knocking his pacifier out of his mouth and sleep like his body wants and needs to, he won't be distressed. How many times would I miss out on my distress if I accepted God' truth and consistently lived it?

Ouch!

I'm learning patience.

I'm learning I can cry and whine like a little baby.

I can be so foolish.

But my God is so faithful. He is so loving. He is so consistent to pick me up and calm me down. Sometimes I mess up as often as Josiah wakes up.

Ouch!